Ten out of Tenochtitlan

I don’t know how to begin to describe last weekend. Bryant’s Myth and I attacked the city with an unmerciful ferocity that could only be described as Cortesian. Seriously though, we did so much that both of us felt like it was one of those weekend trips in Europe where we would try and cram everything into two or three days. So bear with me, I’ve got a feeling this is gonna be a long one. I guess I’ll just start on Thursday, or “Juebebes” as the kids call it, when we went out after work to a cantina for some drinks and a little bit of food. There I continued my quest to become tequila connoisseur, which is going along just fine.

Moving on to Friday, or “Bebiernes” as the kids call it, when I crossed off one of the most important things on my to-do list: a Lucha Libre. For those of you who don’t know what Lucha Libre is, or aren’t familiar with the work of Rey Mysterio, I suggest you check out this video. Needless to say, I was pretty excited:

We worked it out so we could go with a group from a hostel, which included transportation, a beer, a shot of tequila, a trip to a cantina before the matches, and the ticket. So we got off work early, got back to the hotel/apartment, changed into more appropriate attire (tanks), and drank as much as we could before metroing to the hostel to meet the group. There we had our “free” drinks while we met the rest of the group, which was made up of the usual hostel patrons from all over the world. Our guide, Pepe, then took us to a cantina across the street from the arena where everyone drank enough beer and tequila to ensure that this match would be the greatest match of all time. And that is exactly what happened. They pulled out all the stops and even involved a little person. The wrestlers are way more athletic than their U.S. counterparts and I reacted to every high-flying move like it was a double rainbow all the way across the sky. Most of the rest of the crowd was also really into it because I was only told to sit down once. After the matches, we bought some souvenirs, and since we were closer to the hotel/apartment than the hostel, we decided to take a cab back home. We didn’t exactly achieve that goal, but we did get a guy to drive us home who wanted to practice his English. I’m convinced I had a good reason for determining that this was a safe decision, but I can’t remember it. Most likely I just gave him an ocular pat-down and cleared him. I know that wasn’t the best decision I’ve ever made, but in the end it worked out fine and I was able to talk him down to a GREAT price. Trust me, parents, family, and those friends who care about my well-being, I will never do anything like that again. I can’t say the same for our nice driver, because he seemed pretty encouraged by the special “safe ‘n sound” tip I gave him.

The next morning I woke up at 7 am because I was so pumped for our tour of the ancient pyramids a Teotihuacán. Apparently Bryant used all of his excitement the night before because we got to the metro a little late, hopped on the first track we saw, and nearly missed the tour. Our first stop was the Plaza de las Tres Culturas, where we ran into Pepe, who was way too excited to see us, who said he was so worried about us the night before. He then explained how the plaza, which includes ruins from the Aztec temples of Tenochtitlan, a Spanish church dedicated to Santiago (remember him?), and buildings from the modern city, was named for those three cultures. He then turned very daaark and said that it was filled with negative energy because not only were a bunch of Aztecs slaughtered there by Cortés, but it was also the site of the Tlatelolco Massacre, when student protesters were gunned down by police ten days before the 1968 Summer Olympics.

From there we went on to the Basilica of Guadalupe, where we saw the image of the Virgin Mary that appeared on the poncho of the peasant Juan Diego. It is the most visited Catholic shrine in the world and we saw a few pilgrims making the journey, some coming in on their knees. Kinda crazy to see that kind of devotion. Next, we took a bit longer of a ride to a tequila and obsidian shop where a nice lady told us all about how they use the maguey or agave plant to make pretty much everything they need. She showed us how easy it is to get a needle and thread from the plant, make paper, and of course, tequila, mezcal, and pulque. Then we ate lunch and shopped and, admittedly, I went a little nuts with the shopping.

After lunch it was finally time for the main event, the pyramids of Teotihuacán. It was amazing to see these huge, old-ass pyramids built by people that historians, and even the Aztecs, know nothing about. The pyramids are so old (How old were they?) that the even the Aztecs know who built them. Not good enough? The pyramids are soooooo old (How old were they?) that even the PYRAMID OF THE SUNNNN is a grandfather. ...I think I just broke the internet. Moving on quickly, we toured the pyramids for two hours with a guide then we were given an hour of free time to explore on our own.

FREE TIME!!!!!!!

After we took all the pictures of the pyramids we could take, we loaded into the van, the driver passed around a bottle of tequila, and we rested up for Saturday night.

Saturday night, or “Sabadrinking” as the kids call it, we had big plans. Our new Mexican friends (not to be confused with our New Mexican friends) came over to pregame on the roof of our hotel/apartment before we hit up a house party. We played games, I spread the word of the Biz, and then around 12:30 or 1 we headed out to the party. The party was around 45 minutes away, and they had no idea what was coming for them. We pulled up at this huge house with a security gate and a security wall and strolled into the party, immediately turning heads. We stood around for a little bit, drinkless, as the other partygoers stared at the only white people for miles, and then we decided the party needed a little something extra. Good thing I brought the $11 handle of tequila with me. The rest of the night was unreal. Bryant’s Myth and I patrolled the party, doling out bottle shots to anyone that needed them, and definitely some people that didn’t. Everyone was having a blast and we felt like heroes. The party got so good that I’m pretty sure some SEC football players showed up. It was seriously like a scene from a movie. The party was like the Hollywood Hills party from the movie Swingers, except instead of everyone being stuck up they were high-fiving and getting tequila poured down their throats. The house was so nice and the party was half on the lawn/half in this open-air-type area, with the only two white kids as the center of attention as drinks were flying and people were jumping, and then the camera swirled up overhead and everything went in slow motion as Kings of Leon’s “Velvet Snow” played. At least that’s how I remember it.

Finally, on Sunday, or “Dormingo” as the kids call it, we slept a little late, I made tortilla Española, and I dragged Bryant’s Myth out for a hike. We took a cab to the Desierto de los Leones National Park, where we visited an old monastery and then climbed up a 12,000 ft. mountain for about two hours before having to half-jog back down in order to beat the storm and darkness. I felt like I was in Apocalypto. It was nice to get out of the city and climb through the trees that keep the city from being a smoggy mess.

Well that’s it, I’ve left some things out, but with them it would be even longer. Anyway, I’m pretty proud of what we were able to accomplish this past weekend, and how much fun we were able to have. That is why I say last weekend was a 10 out of 10. Biz stars out of biz stars. Or as the kids call it: perfect.

Besitos,

Jim